Lousy weekend, lousy mood

I don't really have much to say. I talked further to the vet on Saturday to discuss the kitty's bloodwork. That was not helpful. There could be nothing substantial. On the other hand, there's a couple of things consistent with FIP which is a horrible terminal disease that there's no definite test for.

I really don't think it's FIP, and I don't think that's just wishful thinking. Still, even considering it makes me woozy and unhappy. I love this cat and she's been with us a long time.

I really think it was just the heat though. I stopped looking up cat symptoms on the internet and observed the cat. What did the cat want, what made her comfortable? Well, she kept wanting to go downstairs 'cause it's nice and cool (We don't have air conditioning.) , and we decided to go ahead and let her. Usually we try to keep her out of the basement. She's been napping on the futon in the basement during the day the past couple of days and seems lots better than she did on Friday. Plus, I looked up more cat symptoms just long enough to note that overheating can 'cause, among other things, staggering in a cat. And, older and fatter cats are more suspectible.

She's a very smart cat, and spousal unit thinks we should pay attention to what she wants, because she'll find a way of letting us know if she's in real distress. I think the spousal unit's right.

There's quite a bit I haven't gone into because I don't feel comfortable blogging about it, but there's a ton of other stuff that's causing me stress right now. First and foremost, I'm furious at my work, absolutely sick with anger, and have no way of expressing it. My class is very fast-paced and intense and making me all anxious.

On a lesser level, there's been trying to meet with the carpenter, there's a situation with my parents, and on Sunday it was all too much and I started weeping on the spousal unit's shoulder. I'd had to cancel something that I'd really wanted to go to on Sunday, and it was absolutely the best decision given how tapped I was, but it really brought home to me just how tired and worn out I was feeling.

The crying made me feel much better. I also had a long, long talk with the spousal unit about my work frustrations, because I'm completely getting screwed at work, and I just needed some validation from someone who knows the situation and can tell me that I'm not crazy or stupid or unreasonable. I had a major pity party for myself yesterday, one of those times when you just act like a child and wail and cry and want the universe to personally tell you it loves you. Generally speaking, I do feel fairly loved and lucky, but I wasn't feeling it this weekend. Also, I feel guilty because I've been blowing off some friends who could use a phone call or an email because I feel so lousy. They don't know that though. For all they know, I'm off sunning myself on a beach somewhere.

A lot of it is just the confluence of several different things. And, my frustrations with work are spilling over everywhere else. If it wasn't for work, I'd still be worried over the cat, I'd still be annoyed with the carpenter, I'd still have a situation where my parents have a problem that needs my help, I'd still have been running around on a volunteer related issue (oops, forgot about that one until now!), I'd still have a class, but goddamnit, I think I could cope if I wasn't being beaten down by work.

Well, it would be nice if it didn't all happen in one weekend, but even then, I think I could cope. I'd be normal sort of tired, instead of completely fucking tapped out and frustrated. Judas Priest, it's only Monday and my attitude already stinks. Thank the Gods it's a short week.

I did do a reassuring rune reading for myself. Basically it said that things were out of my direct control, but moving ahead and would manifest when the time came. I find the runes to be very helpful, they haven't steered me wrong yet so I'm going to go with it.

An Anxious Moment

I came home early from work today to wait for a carpenter, and the cat came to greet me as she always does. Only she stumbled as walked, almost falling down a couple of times. She seemed weak, and favoring her back legs a great deal.

She's an older cat (seventeen) and I immediately went into panic mode. Several years ago, I lost a cat very suddenly to a heart attack, and any sign of illness in my animals makes my heart race and hurt. I forced myself to breathe, and then to feed her some wet food, both to test her level of alertness and willingness to eat, and also to get some moisture in her system. She managed to dehydrate herself a couple of years ago during hot weather, and needed an injection of liquid at the vet. She perks up a bit at the wet food, and when done, bats at a string, but still seems off to me.

I then called a very local vet (ten minutes away) that I've been meaning to take her to for a check-up, and asked if they could fit in an emergency new client visit that day. Yes, they can! The spousal unit comes home while I'm on the phone, cottons to what I'm on the phone about, starts to panic and I manage to mutter, "She's okay, in the office, but seems off." and the S.U. runs to check her out.

Our kitty still seems a bit feeble, but then it's a hot day with no air conditioning. We're a bit feeble too, and she's got a bad case of old. We finally pack her into the carrier and I make my way to the vet's.

While there, I'm sure I drove them crazy by being generally incoherent. The other thing that concerns me is I used to work for someone who had a kitty that basically had kitty MS, the cat slowly lost the use of its back legs. For quite awhile he got around sort of like a furry walrus, but it eventually got to be too much, especially when he lost control of his bladder and bowels. So I've got that image in front of me as well. Meanwhile, the cat starts to revive in the air conditioning.

The vet did a very through exam of the little thing, heart, lungs, temperature, feeling her up, the usual. Then she did some simple kitty neurological tests. Holding the cat with her paws almost resting on a ledge to see how she uses them while steadying herself. Doing the same with the back paws. Waving objects in front of the cat to watch how the cat tracks objects. And, last of all having me call the cat to me to observe how the cat walked. The vet was able to see the same thing I saw, a funny little wobble in the walk, not as bad as I'd seen before, not causing her to lose control, but definitely there. The rest of her was fine, she seemed healthy and responsive and clearly had use and control of her paws and legs.

The vet speculated that in older cats especially, they can develop lesions on the spine or in the brain, relatively mild damage that may affect motor skills. Her advice was to monitor it, and see how it went, and if it got worse, we could do more intensive tests. Somewhat unsatifying but at least not an emergency situation. There was blood drawn, but I got the impression is was more to cover all bases, I don't think she really expects to find anything unusual. The cat is overweight, so I'm going to slowly cut back on what she gets fed, because anything spinal will be strained by being overweight.

Totally unrelated, some of her claws were really growing out of control (she's triple-pawed and they do that), so we got them snipped while there. This happened at the end of the visit and by this time, kitty was in high maintenance mode, snarling and growling all the while, remind us all of her youthful glory days when she forced vets to handle her with leather gloves. She's usually mellower these days, but the extended exam was just too much for her. Poor thing.

I liked the vet, but the vet's assistant was a bit of a twit. I mentioned at the beginning that the cat tended to be a bit aggressive, and the woman upends the cat carrier, trying to shake her out like salt from a shaker. My guess is that she was trying to avoid reaching in and grabbing a fierce cat, but geezus lady, the cat's sick. Could you not do that?

And besides, the carrier comes apart in two seconds, no need for all that.

Right now the little troublemaker is snoozing away on the office floor. She seems pretty tuckered, but I guess being shaken, poked, prodded, and getting blood drawn will do that to you. I want to join her, preferably after dinner and a drink, and I just watched.

Today's News

Shark report chases bay beachgoers

DENNIS - On the first sunny day of summer, two of the Cape's most popular beaches were cleared yesterday as town officials responded to a possible shark sighting 1,000 yards offshore.

Oh, I would have hated to have ended up at the beach that day. It really was one of the first sunny days we've had in months.

That's all we need to finish off the tourist industry.

Just call us Amity.

A harbor master boat was sent out to investigate, but the boat broke down in the water.

The Town of Dennis has a well deserved reputation for low taxes and minimal town servies. Think the Town needs to toss the harbor master some more funding?

"There is no proof of (a shark's presence) at this point," said town recreation director Dustin Pineau, adding that other fish are often confused with sharks by boaters.

That's his tactful way of saying that most pleasure boaters are no more sober than they have to be.

I thought immediately of the X-Files episode with Jesse Ventura as one of the "men in black". "Most people think they've seen a UFO when they've really seen the planet Venus..."

I was also intrigued by this description of a photograph in today's Cape Cod Times.

Soaking up the all-too-absent sun, goatsbeard and dandelions blossom in a meadow overlooking Highland Light in North Truro yesterday.

I happen to know what goatsbeard is, but most people don't. It's just not something that rolls casually off the tongue like "dandelion" or "daisy". Someone's been studying their wildflower field guides.

SCA Event

I went to a local SCA event on Saturday, but was sick as a dog all day Sunday so I'm only just now writing about it. Kermit the Blog had a really nice write-up about it (I got to meet him, very cool), plus he has pictures so you get more of an idea. Nice pictures too, I have found at these events sometimes a certain element of distraction. Someone will be in perfect medieval garb, but drinking from a can of coke. He seems to have gotten all photographs that managed to miss the can of coke.

It's funny, because I've known various types of re-enactors for years. The garb I was wearing Saturday was actually from when I was in a friend's wedding. (And they say you never get to wear your bridesmaid dress again.) But talking to someone for whom this was all new was quite revelatory. I really forget just what a stunning effort even just basic garb and equipment is and what an impression it makes.

I really had much more to say about this. I met up with an old friend and took a bead class while I was there and I had all sorts of thoughts about making things and art and craft and merchanting at events, but it's all been driven out of my head with being sick.

Accounting Class tonight

Once more into the breach. I started up a new Accounting class at CCCC. Gods, but I was tired. I'm on a new work schedule, where I come in earlier and get out earlier which I love, but haven't adjusted to yet.

I don't care for the new instructor as much as my old one. Or my classmates. I was jaded and tired and cranky and it really colored my perceptions of everything. Plus the guy sitting next to me stank of ketones (that smell people get when they've been drinking and are processing alcohol) and heavily scented shower products. Yuck. I'll be better next class. I hope.

Reason #5 to Creep Quietly Away

When you're just outside his office door and you hear one of your co-workers screaming at his wife on the phone, and it sounds like he's been screaming for awhile and will be screaming for awhile longer...that's when it's time to casually head back to your cubicle and pretend you didn't really want to speak to him right at that moment.

Friday Five

1. Is your hair naturally curly, wavy, or straight? Long or short?

Wavy and currently short. I have occasionally wished for it to be one or the other.

In particular, I've always envied those women with very straight hair that draped like silk or fell like a waterfall.

2. How has your hair changed over your lifetime?

In high school and college I really bought into the whole, "You have such nice hair! You CAN'T cut it!" thing. Although I did shave part of one side for awhile. (It was the eighties.) I looked a bit like a brunette Cyndi Lauper.

3. How do your normally wear your hair?

Short, blond streaks, and with clips/headband to keep my hair out of my eyes.

4. If you could change your hair this minute, what would it look like?

I really want to add some sort of color not intended by nature. Possibly a very vibrant red or a purple.

Also, what I've always wanted but probably will never get are braids or cornrows. I've wanted them since I saw Bo Derek in "10". I've done a lot of reading and the maintenance involved (and not being able to scrub at my scalp with abandon) would drive me crazy, but I really think they're beautiful.

5. Ever had a hair disaster? What happened?

No not really. The most "disaster" I ever got was when a salon cut my hair unevenly right before my wedding. (How do you screw up a blunt cut anyway?). But my hair was very long, and you couldn't tell unless you looked carefully.

We're doomed.

I just had the following conversation with a coworker,

Coworker: The Fedex guy was here.
Me: Uh-huh.
Coworker: He didn't give me anything to sign.
Me. Wasn't he picking up?
Coworker: Yes, but he gave me something to sign last time.
Me. Was last time a pick up or a delivery?
Coworker: Oh! (light dawns on Marblehead) It was a delivery.

This conversation might make sense if we only dealt with Fed Ex once in a great while. But, we receive Fed Ex deliveries approximately every other day, and send out Fed Ex packages a few times a month.

Doomed I tell you.

Hey, they've got a wave pool!

My company is having an event over the summer. It's going to take place where all of our events take place, at a local overgrown hotel known as the Cape Codder Resort. It's a nice enough place, with all the latest hotel amenities, including a wave pool.'Cause, it just wouldn't be part of your Cape Cod experience if you had to go out and find your waves at the beach, oh no, you need them right at the hotel.

Whenever we're going to do something at the Cape Codder, I don't know why, but someone ALWAYS brings up the wave pool. Since observing this, I always wait for it to be mentioned and haven't yet been disappointed. We were just discussing this event five minutes ago and yep, someone mentioned it.I'm sure it will be brought up each and every time we discuss this event from now until it occurs.

I have no idea if it's the only wave pool on Cape Cod or not. But at the last Christmas party my coworkers all had to go look at it. Sure enough, it was a wave pool.

One of the executives here took his grandkids to visit the wave pool last time they were here. He lives within walking distance of one public beach and five minutes driving distance of at least a half dozen more.

I think we should have an event at the sister hotel of the John Carver Inn in Plymouth. Their pool includes a representation of the Plymouth rock, a cute little bridge that makes me think of the pirates from Peter Pan, a slide, a waterfall and the overall effect is rather VegasBa-bee!. In a tasteful small-town New England sort of way of couse.

I'm sure a real Las Vegas hotel would have the rock, pool and patio furniture in each one of the master suites of the hotel, but the John Carver exhibits an admirable Yankee restraint in their decor.

Bigotry = Dumb

I was raised in a liberal home and raised to believe that bigotry was stupid. One of the most astonishing revelevations of my adult life is just how true this has been. I've never met a bigoted person who wasn't as thick as a brick.

As a shining example of this, Provincetown is about to be paid a visit by Mr. Fred "God Hates Fags" Phelps. The funny part is, Phelps is coming to specifically picket the Provincetown Film Fest, which is not a gay and lesbian event. It's a bit like showing up to picket the Oscars because you don't think gays and lesbians should have the right to marry. DOH!

Totally unrelated, it's worth noting that while Provincetown is a great gay tourist spot, and a great year round spot for the people living there, it's not necessarily the big mecca for gay other people living on Cape Cod. I know that sounds very weird, but it's true. There's quite a few other groups that get relatively little attention but fill that role. There's Cape Cod Gay Pride or The Cape & Islands Gay & Straight Youth Alliance and the numerous smaller groups listed on Cape Cod PFLAG page.

Friday Five

1. What's one thing you've always wanted to do, but never have?

I realize just how pathetic this sounds, but the answer is pierce my ears.I've wanted pierced ears since I was a little kid, but I'm deeply phobic about being pierced or stuck in any way. I haven't had my blood sampled for approximately twelve years.

Do you think a doctor would give me a couple of Valiums to go to a piercing booth?

2. When someone asks your opinion about a new haircut/outfit/etc, are you always honest?

Depends both on how bad/good it is and what the person's state of mind is. If something is mediocre and the person in question needs a lift, I might white lie a bit.

On the other hand, if it's just awful, to the point where I think they're going to look back someday and be mortified, I try to say so tactfully.

3. Have you ever found out something about a friend and then wished you hadn't? What happened?

I don't think I'm easily shocked, or perhaps I have a good intuition about people. I've learned a lot of lurid or disquieting stuff about people, but I've never been wind-knocked-out-of-me shocked about it.

When I've found out something that really disappointed me or caused me to unfavorably re-evaluate the person, I've always preferred knowledge to ignorance no matter how much it hurt at the time.

4. If you could live in any fictional world (from a book/movie/game/etc.) which would it be and why?

Hmmm...interesting question. Most fantastic worlds are much more fun to read about then they are to live in.

But, leading contenders are probably the world of Babylon 5 or Andre Norton's Witch World. I always get the sense with those worlds that there is danger and menace and corruption, but also beauty and goodness shining in unexpected places. The world in Gene Wolfe's Torturer series is interesting, but lacks a certain something that actually makes me want to live there. (I want to say moral sense, but I'm not sure that's the right way of putting it.) Tolkien's Lord of the Rings has danger and beauty, but few opportunities for women.

5. What's one talent/skill you don't have but always wanted?

Being able to sing!

Found at Satin and Sarcasm,

You are an enigma wraped in a mystery, you blog
for yourself. You have your own reasons for
doing what you do. We are still glad your here!

What kind of blogger am I?
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Woo-hoo!

Gay marriage just became legal in Canada. Read all about it here.

In other news,

A bill is up at the Massachusetts Statehouse that would make it much easier for women to get emergency contraception.

For the assholes who oppose it, there's a simple solution. Disapprove of emergency contraception? Don't use it.

WHAAAA!

I'm so upset. I think I killed the Verbascum "Jackie" Mullein that I just put in. I was flinging a heavy hose about and didn't look what I was doing, and the heavy hose caught the plant and the whole thing fell apart.

Rationally, it's not normal for a plant to do that (squash and be bruised yes, fall apart, no) so I think maybe there was a rot issue, especially since there were tons of potato bugs (they feed on decaying plant material). But still, I can't quite shake the feeling I murdered the poor thing.

Grumble. I noticed blackspot so I mixed up some Cornell formula. I really should have been spraying before now, but I was feeling lazy. Bad gardener! One more thing to feel guilty about in the garden, especially because I know the orange rose has real problems with it. At least I didn't SLAUGHTER IT WITH THE GARDEN HOSE.

Fear and Loathing in the Workplace

Sometimes I'm convinced I'm a space alien. Usually when I'm dealing with my co-workers.

On any reasonable planet, shouldn't someone who regularly makes noises while eating be a bit of a social outcast? Or at least enough of one that I don't have to talk to them?

It's not just at lunch, because she eats all the time, so all day long, I get to hear slurping, smacking, crunching noises.

She's aware of it too. She told us about going out to dinner, including how it was so good that she spooned up sauce from the bottom of the plate. Vivid hand gestures and distinct slurping sounds were included in her account. Eesh.

What about someone else who badly needs an edit switch?

Gods help me, I learned that she was not familiar with the sixty-nine position until after her first marriage. That's "need to know" information that I didn't need to know.

I don't think I would mind so much except that I get the impression she thinks it was sort of a good thing. Yes, a good thing to not be familiar with the niceties of oral sex until you have a few kids under your belt. Yikes.

Who are these people and how did I end up working with them?

And, why does Ms. Hog Noises have to sit next to my desk?

The Vidocq Society

I was watching Cold Case Files, and learned about the Vidocq Society. Here's what their web page says,

"One of the world's more unusual crime-solving organizations meets on the top floor of the historic Public Ledger Building in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. In a famed walnut-paneled meeting room, members of The Vidocq Society honor Eugène François Vidocq, the brilliant 18th century French detective who founded the Sûreté, by applying their collective forensic skills and experience to "cold case" homicides and unsolved deaths. At Vidocq luncheons, Vidocq Society Members (V.S.M.'s) evaluate, investigate, and often solve the unsolved crimes that are brought to them. "

I think it's incredible that something like this exists outside of the pages of Sherlock Holmes.

Tell me...

"WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Gay rights groups denounced on Friday a decision by the Department of Justice, headed by conservative Attorney General John Ashcroft, to ban employees' annual gay pride events, saying the move sent a chilling message to its gay workers."

Is there any actual point to John Ashcroft's existence?

His purpose in life seems to entirely revolve around taking away our civil rights and fretting about any hint of sexuality he encounters. How on earth did this walking fossil get to be our Attorney General?

Star Wars in Asciimation

Words cannot express how cool this is. You need to visit it. Now.

Massachusetts License Plates for Cape Codders

What does your license plate say about you?

Red, White, and Blue Plates
aka "The Spirit of America" plate, aka "Dukakis' Folly"

Congratulations! You're probably a Cape Coddah! Or at least you look like one. You live here year round, and possibly have never lived anywhere else.

You might vacation in Florida, but nowhere else. Oh wait, you might have been to Maine or Block Island.

You might own a scanner, and listen to it frequently.

When you encounter local cops in the grocery store, you bring up specific incidents that required their presence, and tell them what they should have done differently.

The administration at your Town Hall rolls their eyes when you yet again walk in the door.

You fret about your property taxes, and enthuse about finding good stuff at the dump.

Your vehicle was purchased used, is probably American, and is either a pickup truck or SUV actually used for your work, or an oversized sedan with no pretense to character.

Green and White Plates
aka "Is that old thing still around?"

Everything said about the owners of Red, White and Blue Plates also applies to you, but more so.

You don't like change of any kind and you don't like to spend money.

For the love of all that's holy, you haven't bought a new car since Dukakis! Damn, but you're cheap!

Right Whale Plates
aka There's a whale on my license plate.

You're probably a washashore, because no real Cape Codder would spend extra money on a license plate.

In a previous life, you may have been a young urban professional.

You know there are spices other than salt and pepper, and sauces other than ketchup.

You know your house has been assessed accurately, and your property taxes are fair.

You live here year round, but your neighbors can tell that you're not from around here.

They think you may have had something to do with pesky regulations preventing them from disposing of oil in their backyard, and shutting down the yearly Piping Plover fricassee.

But they're afraid to say anything to your face, because they'll probably work for you one day.

Your car is either a visibly new foreign compact, a gas-guzzling minivan with a Cape Cod Museum of Natural History sticker, or a rusty beater held together by environmental stickers.

Cape and Islands Plates
"Look at the cute lighthouse! Isn't it cunning!"

There are two types of people that own this plate.

The first,

You're probably a non-resident taxpayer, and should immediately sell your overpriced mini-mansion to a real Cape Coddah.

You're way too into this whole Cape and Islands thing, and have redecorated the entire house, the front yard, and the cat in a "nawtical" theme.

You would have decorated the children, except that they don't live here. You never let anyone forget that the children don't live here because you're always complaining about your property taxes supporting local schools.

The second,

You're probably a local business owner in the service industry, proud that your license plate supports the Cape Cod Chamber of Commerce.

You believe all that hooey the Chamber publishes about Cape Cod's recreational options rivaling the combined efforts of the French Rivera and Disneyworld.

You also believe that Cape Cod motels are actually hotels, and that fine dining is a way of life here.

Either one of you might drive a laughably overpriced land yacht American luxury sedan, a laughably overpriced giant SUV or a hideously expensive European sports car.

For both types, local service people cringe when they see you coming. You know everyone by name and you're a larger than average fish in a small pool.

Woe betide the counter person that doesn't know your "usual" or the drycleaning clerk who asks for payment in advance, because you'll probably call up their boss and bitch.

The Brook Trout Plate
aka the plate with the big fish on it.

You like to fish.

A lot.

It's your life.

Stop it, you're scaring us.

Other than that, everything said about the owners of Red, White and Blue plates applies to you.

Vanity Plates
There are two types of people that own vanity plates on Cape Cod.

The first,

You're not a real Cape Coddah! No suh! No real Cape Coddah would waste good money on a vanity plate!

The second,

You're a successful local business owner that has the name of your business somehow expressed on your vanity plate.

For the ultimate in the battle between old money values and modern conspicuous consumption, the acronym of your business's name may be so obscure that no casual reader can figure it out.

Other Massachusetts License Plates that you'll rarely see on Cape Cod.

The Blackstone Valley Plate "Isn't that somewhere over the bridge? Near New York?"

Invest in Children Plate "My property taxes already support local schools! My kids are out of school and I already pay too much money for children that aren't even mine! Them lazy teachers should be grateful for their jobs!"

Olympic Spirit Plate "There's an Olympic license plate? I love that figure skating, them figure skaters are something else."

There's also three new plates that have just been issued, but I haven't seen them enough to get a feel for who requests them. Give me time, give me time.

Cringe

Okay, this article perfectly sums up why people tend to think Neo-Pagans are "so open-minded their brains fell out".

"If you do curse at your computer -- and even the most even-tempered witch sometimes does -- you can clean away the bad energy by shaking a coffee can full of coins around the computer. Or, better yet, you can bless the machine."

Eeesh.

I love New England

We've got more sarcasm per square inch than anywhere else in the country. I just got the South Pacific Wholesale Company catalog, if you have an appreciation of sarcasm and are into beads, check it out. You'll be able to read such gems as the following,

"I like to think that our slow service is what sets up apart from the rest of the industry"

"With returns please include a copy of the original invoice with a rational written explanation of what you expect us to do about it."

About visiting the store,

"Bring your small children-we will provide leashes.

Somewhere I have saved their published flyer published after Jerry Garcia's death. This time, the owner outdid himself. He referred to the Deadheads as "Jerry's kids", and offered them jobs and a new reason to live if they could make it to South Pacific Wholesale's retail store. Hee!

Thinking about it, I suppose it's really as much eccentricity and an odd view of the world as it is sarcasm per se. It reminds me a bit of the owner of the Dove's Nest in Sunderland, Massachussetts. He was, in a word, mad.

The Dove's Nest offered incredibly cheap diner food, with the grill visible from where you sat. The owner of the Dove's Nest would keep up a steady monologue as he cooked, about current events, what was going on his life, the co-ed softball team the Dove's Nest Dodgers, and odd tangents. (High school Catholic school basketball scholarships was one topic I remember.)

Oh, and he talked to the pancake batter. After pouring out another pancake, he'd say "Ha, you thought you'd escape that time? Not a chance."

He outdid himself during the Iran-Contra hearings. He was cooking pancakes, eggs and bacon and somehow managed to related EVERYTHING on the grill to players in the Iran-Contra hearings.This went on for several minutes. I wish I'd had a tape recorder, it was one of the most incredible monologues I've every heard, and I couldn't tell you a word of it.