When my coworker attempts to think, you can hear the sticks of wood rubbing together and smell the smoke.
This is what I hear every day, several times a day.
(beeps of new mail in Dumb Coworker's Inbox)
Click-click...Shuffle. (assorted mouse noises)
Dumb Coworker: Sigh
Pause.
I can feel myself tense up, because I already know she's going to ask a question.
DC: Mumble...I just don't see...mumble, mumble
Pause.
DC: Mumble...How can it...mumble...this way...?
Pause.
Clickety-click-shift. More mouse noises. I hear her sigh again.
DC: Exhales loudly.
DC: Inhales loudly.
Here it comes.
DC: "Marina...? How do I...(asinine question follows)
Eesh. The worst part, the absolutely worst part.
She'll start to argue and whine if she doesn't like the answer to the question. For fuck's sake, if you know all there is to know already, why are you asking?
And, that whiny voice. I won't be held responsible for my actions if that voice doesn't stop.
Have I mentioned that my work has sent at least two people round the bend? It has. There are stories of at least two former employees simply losing it in my office. One was threatened with the police before she left. The other simply was reduced to blubbering idiocy.
When I first started work there, I found these stories amusing, in a twisted sort of way. Because I'm not a very nice person and will chuckle over the wacky misfortunes of others.
Now I feel like I'm looking into the dark maw of my future. There will come a day when I'm reduced to blubbering idiocy or they have to send for the police to remove me. Or perhaps I'll be like at least two other employees, people that just left with bad feelings all around. Something to look forward to. I'll be sure to keep you informed.
Listen to me kiddies. When a significant number of your former coworkers have left under troubling circumstances, tears were shed and voices raised? It's a bad sign. A Very Bad Sign.
I was just so grateful to have a job I was too dumb to know it.
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