Dolphin With Rabies

Life on beautiful Cape Cod.

Wednesday, April 09, 2003

My gyn visit

Went to a gynecologist today for the first time in three years. I was really dreading this appointment for some reason, I don't really know why except that doctors make me nervous. I always feel like it's a schoolish, "pass-fail" issue, not a benign look at my health. This woman was great though, nice gentle touch and I got out of there in under an hour.

Maybe I just have a wacked sense of humor, but I found it very funny that the gyn was close to the Naked Oyster. There's a joke in there somewhere, but I'm neither Vagina Monologues nor frat-boyish enough today to pull it out.

While I was at the doctor's, I was informed that there's a new way of processing pap smears, and that this particular clinic used it, or more accurately their lab does. I just nodded like I had any notion of what she was talking about, and she was nice enough to clue me in that it has a much better accuracy rate than a conventional Pap smear. Maybe I should pick up an occasional women's magazine, I hadn't heard anything about this, conventional women's magazines do manage to mention things like this, and frankly, I think Bust (the nearest thing to a women's magazine I read) is getting fluffier, and not in a good way.

Freakout moment. Next year is my first recommended year for a baseline mammogram. 'Cause I'm getting to that age. Eeep!

My tits are pretty tough, so I'm wondering about all the horror stories I read about painful mammograms. Right now, I'm at the end of my cycle so mashing breast between two metal plates would hurt like an s.o.b., but most of the time, it'd have to be a really hard mashing for me to be bothered by it. However, Pap smears are usually described as not causing discomfort, and I'm sorry, but I find the part where the nurse practioner jams the giant q-tip RIGHT INTO YOUR GODDAMMED CERVIX to cause plenty of discomfort. I have absolutely no idea how any woman has ever had a D&C without being knocked out, I know I wouldn't be able to stand it.