Dolphin With Rabies

Life on beautiful Cape Cod.

Tuesday, March 11, 2003

Feeling grumpy.

I don't feel so hot. My back is flaring up, and only stops when I lie down and ingest ibuprofen.

I'm really trying to visualize that having my period means that my body is getting rid of toxins (and I think this actually is the case) but I really feel low-energy and like I need first a steak, then a multivitamin. Also, my body is shedding water and I need to pee all the time. I want a different job. This is so pathetic because people would love to have it as good as me, and I learn good stuff but there's a lot of tedium intermixed with craziness and I want a different job.

I'm being neurotic but I'm still fretting about my Accounting Class. I'm really afraid I'm going to do the sort of stupid self-destructive thing that I do and not study, agonize about not studying, do poorly, and in short, screw myself over through my own neurosis and self-esteem crap.

I really won't do this because I KNOW BETTER THESE DAYS. Really! I do. Still, it doesn't help the fear of doing so.

P.S. I want to seduce my spouse and do that warm fuzzy connect through sex and improve my mood (and my spouse's mood) thing, but I'm in such an agitated mood that I don't think I can do it. Grrrr. I have all this anxiety and neediness and "me!me!me!" that mixes in and no doubt makes my seduction technique about as exciting as being accosted by one of those people collecting money for charity in stopped traffic.